Category: transport

Cross roads They don’t seem that angry to me….

I saw a sign outside my house the other day which read “We are digging this road” I thought to myself “Thanks, I love it too”

I was pulled over by a cop and asked to show my licence and registration. I said “Sure, just hold my phone and pint for me.”

I think a plane propeller is only there to keep the pilot cool. Want proof? Stop the propeller and watch the pilot start to sweat.

A policeman pulled me over while I was weaving through traffic and said, “You drinking?” “You buying?” I asked him.

How do you tell the drunk driver in Zimbabwe? It’s the one car that’s driving straight, not swerving to avoid the pot-holes in the road.

I had a job interview at London Midland today. I walked into the room then straight out. They got that impressed that I was asked if I could start immediately

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, “Ya know, I reckon I’m ’bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I’m gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I […]

BBC News: “Ryanair pull out of Belfast City” The only bigger disappointment was when Michael O’Leary’s dad failed to pull out…

It was my 18th birthday today and my mum asked what the best gift was she ever got me. “Without doubt, it would have to be the time machine for my 50th,” I replied.

A businessman was having real trouble getting a very heavy and lumpy bag onto the aircraft and into the overhead compartment. It took two stewards to help him, and once it was up and secure one steward asked breathlessly ‘Do you always travel with such heavy and awkward luggage?’ He replied ‘Oh no, sometimes it’s […]

Failed my driving test today, only did one thing wrong though. I spilt my can of special brew over the examiner.

My wife and I were settling in for a long train journey. “Are you comfortable, is the seat soft?” I asked. “Yes,” she replied. “Not feeling any draught?” “No.” “No vibrations or shaking?” “No.” So we swapped places.

10% of all accidents on the road are caused by people who have been drinking. So 90% of accidents are caused by people who are stone cold sober? It’s about time the government clamped down on sober driving.

A bloke takes his new car back the garage. “I don’t understand it,” he says, “every time I drive past a vicar there’s a beep and number comes up on the instrument panel.” “Don’t worry about that,” replies the dealer, “that’s just the rev counter.”