Category: transport

Why won’t BMW drivers ever make anyone pregnant? Because they pull out no matter what.

I nearly got hit by a woman driving a car this morning, but luckily I jumped out of the way just in time. Into the road.

Swedish officials: Pigeons now riding the subway. Wouldn’t happen in London. The rats wouldn’t stand for it.

Everywhere else in the U.K letting another car have priority over yours is called ‘giving way’, in London it’s called ‘giving in’.

Me and my mate were reminiscing about my car that got stuck in reverse. That took me back.

Failed my driving test today. Apparently, seeing a woman driver is not grounds for an emergency stop.

I just stopped at a junction to let a paki cross, he stood and waved for me to go, I waved again for him to go, he wouldn’t cross. He must have thought I was going to run him over. Can’t fault his judgement.

I’m a 999 operator and we had a call from a taxi driver… “I phoned 15 minutes ago” he said, “I think I’m having a heart attack. Where is the Ambulance?” “He’s turning into the street as we speak” I replied.

There was panic in France this morning as the Channel Tunnel remains closed, cutting off the main French escape route to England.

My wife and I always have a lucky ritual before we take the kids out in her car, to ensure that we always return safely.. She hands me the keys…

Whenever I see a kid in a wheelchair, it makes me a little sad because I always think, “Gee, they could have used those same wheels to make a bike for a regular kid.” What a waste.

On a crowded bus, one man noticed that another man had his eyes closed. “What’s the matter? Are you sick?” he asked. “No, I’m okay. It’s just that I hate to see old ladies standing.”

I was walking past a Ferrari garage when I was struck by an awe-inspiring car. I broke both my legs.

How come there are so many bus drivers called Drive?

I’m sat here thinking, what’s the point? Why are we here? Where are we headed? Why didn’t I buy a sat nav?