Category: transport

I hear that Muslim extremists were planning to attack early morning National Rail train journeys in retaliation for Osama’s death and a ‘more dangerous’ follow up to the 2005 Bus Bombings. Experts warn it could be as soon next year before they end up on a train and not a bus replacement service.

Women can’t drive in Saudi Arabia. And we say we’re the civilised ones.

My driving instructor told me, NEVER brake if there’s an animal in the road. You should have seen the look on the copper’s face as I knocked him off his horse.

I was booking into a cheap hotel in Liverpool when the owner asked “Do you have a good memory for faces?” “Yes quite good” I replied. “That’s okay then” he said “Because there’s no mirror in your bathroom.”

My mate thought it would be a laugh to walk through the “drive-thru” at McDonald’s. Not one to be out done, I had to take the joke further. So I drove through the shop floor in my Mondeo.

I watched my wife as she flipped it one more time, to make sure it was evenly done on both sides. “That’s much better honey,” I said “now let’s try parking without rolling the car.”

I’ve got an amazing anti-theft device on my car. A Volvo badge.

If you don’t like the way women drive, get off the pavement!

I saw a woman driving a van earlier and it had a sign on the back that read ‘How’s my driving?’ so I thought, I’ll call it for a laugh, Engaged.

I just caught a train going to London. They’re a lot heavier than they look.

I’d be a lot more inclined to “THINK BIKE” if it weren’t for the fact every bike I see undertakes me at 100mph.

I always observe the speed limit. As I drive past the sign at 100mph.

Why are London buses red? Well you’d be red if you had to come every ten minutes.

It was so awkward when I gave up my seat for what I thought was a pregnant woman on the bus. Not entirely because she was fat. But because it was a fat man.

30% of car accidents in sweden involve reindeer….. Easy solution, ban them from driving..