Category: transport

You know how they tell you to turn off all electronic devices for take-off? Well apparently the plane itself shouldn’t be turned off. My piloting career ended before it even started.

I just caught the ferry! I don’t know if that makes me the best or worst fisherman in the world.

This VW Bug pulled up beside this Rolls at a red light, rolled down his window and asked the Rolls driver, “You got a telephone in that Rolls?” “Matter of fact I do, right here on the seat beside me.” said the Rolls driver. “Me too,” said the VW Driver, “You got a TV in […]

Did you hear about the man who opened a yacht showroom? Sales went through the roof.

Apparently Georgie Thompson from Sky Sports News has been banned from driving after a drink driving offence. There was no alcohol involved, she just spilt her coffee as she crashed the car into a hedge.

My wife walked in the house today and said, “The car wouldn’t start on the way home, the engines flooded.” I said “Where’s the car now?” She said, “In the river.”

A copper pulled me over and asked “What’s your name and where are you from?” I said “Basildon” He said “Ok, Basil, where are you from….. and how did you know my name?”

What occupies the last 6 pages of the Lada Users Manual? The bus and train timetables.

I saw a great car sticker on a smashed up car this morning: “My other driver’s a man”

A motorcyclist has been given 39 points for speeding while doing a wheelie. I personally would have given him 45/50.

I was on an uncomfortable flight home earlier, when I collared one of the air hostesses and said, “Excuse me, will you tell the pilot to stop turning his warning lights on?” “Why’s that sir?” “Because every time he puts them on the plane shakes.”

“Well Mrs Smith, it may have taken three months and a dozen lessons, but i’m delighted to say that you’ve finally mastered it.” “Now that you can fasten your seatbelt, we’ll move on to starting the engine.”

After being stuck for 10 minutes behind a tractor, weaving left and right, flashing her lights and honking the horn, My wife finally got up enough confidence to over-take it., Now if she can only find a way out of the field we can go home.

I am interested in buying a caravan. However, I cannot find the one that goes with my car. If anyone owns a caravan with the license plate ME08 PSD I would like to buy it from them.

I have just seen a young girl on a sledge She said “can you pull me?” I said “proabably, but I’d have to be extremely drunk”