Category: transport

My navman GPS keeps getting me lost. So it’s a navwoman then.

I was walking back to the car today with my wife when she says I’m not a very good driver, I was so angry I nearly drove off without her… but I stalled the engine

95% of GM cars made in the last year are still on the road, 5% made it home.

I’ve just got back from the future. Don’t worry, the half price DFS sale hasn’t ended.

Did you hear the joke about the little spastic boy who had metal calipers on his legs?… He swallowed a magnet and kicked himself to death!

I was on the train going to work this morning when my mobile started ringing. It was some Paki bloke, he said, “Are you interested in changing networks?” I said, “No thanks, I’m happy with the train I’m on.

Today, with no Underground I walk through the valley of the shadow of death and I will fear no evil; For you are with me; Google maps.

Due to a rare genetic abnormality, 1 in every 100,000 London traffic wardens are born white.

I went for my first driving lesson today. I was already nervous, then I heard something that worried me even more as I got in the car. “Hi, I’m Louise and I’ll be your driving instructor for today”, she said.

I pulled up at the traffic lights earlier. I’d been driving with my trousers around my ankles.

Overcome boredom on motorway journeys by closing your eyes for as long as you dare, then daring yourself to close them for longer.

I’m sick and tired of having to take a taxi when I go to work. I hate being a taxi driver.

I was driving through Ireland yesterday, when I was suddenly pulled over for driving too close to a milk float. I got 3 pints.

BREAKING NEWS: A lorry has just overturned on the M11 spilling its load of ‘Imodium Instants’ across the motorway. Experts say they expect the flow to stop almost immediately.

I saw an old car with a sticker on the window which read, ‘This car has an alarm and immobiliser’ Which means only one thing… That car doesn’t have an alarm or immobiliser.