Category: transport

Have you seen the new A4? It’s only 10p a sheet….

In an attempt to get fitter, I’ve just gone and bought myself a new bike. Just think of all the calories I’ll be burning. Those kawasaki’s are heavy and don’t get themselves out of the garage you know.

“More black bus drivers!” David Cameron’s idea of an intergrated transport system.

How about harnessing wave energy at Airport departures?

When I was leaving the pub yesterday I decided that I was in no condition to drive home. But then I realised I couldn’t trust my judgement. I was drunk.

I saw a bloke desperately running for the bus this morning. For a moment I thought he was going to make it. But then I saw a gap in the traffic so I pulled out.

I thought BMW drivers didn’t indicate because they were arrogant – It turns out that indicators are just another optional extra though.

What’s the difference between me and your mum? About 12 inches, then 0 inches, then 12 again etc. We’re both stuck in traffic.

Now that men are no longer needed to create sperm, pig-ugly feminists around the world are rejoicing in the potential future of an all female human race. They don’t appear to have thought this through, I mean, who will teach them how to drive?

I’ve only ever had one driving lesson as the first one has left me too scared to take another. After my instructor briefed me and told me a few road rules, she then told me to pull off. It turns out we have two very different ideas on what that means.

I drove my car into a tree the other day, and Tiger Woods fell out of it.

Whilst we were driving home I was trying to show my wife the correct use of the throttle. It’s by far the best way to shut the kids up.

You know what really grinds my gears A faulty clutch it seems…..

Top tip… When you park your car on a hill, always park it facing down, so if your handbreak fails people will think the car is being driven by a ghost.

Just spent two days looking for wreckage from the Air France plane, couldn’t see any, Google Earths not that good.