Category: time

I was the first in my family for the next 73 generations to successfully time-travel.

Everyone lost an hour sleep last night… Apart from Jocky Wilson.

After getting a job at the clock factory, I asked my new boss: “What hours will I do?” He said, “Are you stupid? All 12 of them.”

My wife left me a week ago because of my ridiculous grasp of time. It’s been the loneliest million hours of my life.

I started throwing up before I got on the plane.. does that make me terminally ill?

The Sun: Baby P killer is free on Friday What do we need to do, collect the tokens?

Americans have there dates the wrong way round… maybe that’s why they were late…

You know summer’s coming soon when the clocks change and the paedos come out of hibernation.

This new sundial I bought is useless. It doesn’t say whether it’s AM or PM.

Travelling into the future is easy. It just takes a while.

If I could go back and talk to my younger self, I’d say “Don’t worry about anything. In the future you’ll invent a time machine.”

They’re going to put a clock on the leaning tower of Pisa. That way it’ll have both the time and the inclination.

Was reading an article about the clocks going back at 2am and came across this; “However some 90 years after it was first introduced, critics say by changing the clocks we adversely affect our body’s natural rhythms.” They’re quick off the mark aren’t they?

The last time I went to the doctors he told me that I was going blind. I haven’t seen him since.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.