I invented a time machine …
I invented a time machine but it only takes you back in time. The guy in the patents office couldn’t see any future in it.
Continue ReadingI invented a time machine but it only takes you back in time. The guy in the patents office couldn’t see any future in it.
Continue ReadingI was driving to a football game with my wife when we saw a fan laying by the side of the road in a pool of blood. As we got out of the car to help him my wife said, “Poor guy, I don’t think he’s going to make it.” “Yeah, it’s tragic,” I replied, […]
Continue ReadingI just found out my grandad shot about 15 Germans during the war Which is a bit weird because he was a butcher.
Continue ReadingI think the wife’s finally flipped. She must be the worlds slowest pancake maker.
Continue ReadingI spent five minutes fixing a broken clock yesterday. At least, I think it was five minutes.
Continue ReadingMy Great-Great-Great-Grandmother called me a liar. That’s the last time I’ll travel back in time to see her.
Continue ReadingI was walking through the park when a woman asked for the time. So I looked at the the sun and said, “It’s 8.45pm, miss.” She was so amazed she asked me out for a drink, I’ll not tell her the sun was setting beside a clock tower.
Continue ReadingAmericans are lazy – sleeping in every morning. Trust me, I phone random US numbers when I wake up and they are always sleeping. And so rude as well.
Continue ReadingThe new watch I bought has no hands. To be fair, it is made by Guess.
Continue ReadingSo people in the East Coast of America die sooner than the poeple in the West Coast. …Normally by about 3 hours.
Continue Reading11:59:59 am is my favourite time of day. It’s second to noon.
Continue ReadingThe inventor of the time machine has tragically died in a car crash, next week.
Continue ReadingGetting older is like a game of chess It’s long, boring and I honestly don’t really know what I’m doing
Continue ReadingHere’s an idea. Instead of turning the clocks back by an hour, let’s just turn it back by 30 minutes instead. And just leave it. Like, forever.
Continue ReadingI think when asked the question “What super power would you have if you could have any?” nearly everyone picks the ability to freeze time and I think we all know FULL WELL why.
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