Category: stupid

Jokes about pencils aren’t very funny. You have 2B there.

My boss came to me today and said, “I need someone to finish this report by Friday.” I replied, “Have you tried Robinson Crusoe.”

Last night, I walked through a graveyard and saw something that turned my hair white. A flock of pigeons.

I’ve decided to increase my chances of being abducted by aliens. I’m growing a filthy beard, moving to America, adopting a Texan accent and killing my brain cells with whiskey.

I should be happy that I’ve just won the young scientist of the year, but where will he sleep?

I was just at my neighbours’ house for dinner but I had to leave unexpectedly. They came home.

I babysat for my next door neighbour last night. After an hour the baby kept crying so I phoned one of my mates for some advice. I said, “It won’t stop crying, what shall I do?” He said, “Just give it a dummy.” I said, “The dummy is filthy dirty.” He said, “In that case, […]

I’ll never forget my sons first word. It was a copied version of 97 that didn’t work properly.

Anybody would think I was into busy woman every time I ask a girl out they have “other” plans.

crastination…I’ll put the “pro” in it later.

My mate said that trust was the most important thing in a friendship, but I don’t believe him.

I sent the wife out to get me a new top, when she returned i opened the bag to find it had a load of bisto smeared around the collar. Stupid cow….i told her to get me a new jumper and make sure it had a grey V neck….

My mate asked me, “What’s E.T short for?” I said, “Actually, it is 115 minutes long, which is above the average feature-length running time.”

My dad only ever hit me once. Unfortunatley it was with his car

My wife went mental when I lost yet another set of keys. To make things worse, she has banned me from playing the piano.