Category: stupid

What’s more fun than watching an old lady fall down a flight of stairs? Pushing her.

BBC News: Bullet shot through man’s skull narrowly misses vital organ I’m no expert, but I’m guessing that’s his brain then?

I lived in my old house for just 6 months and managed to make a tidy profit of over 100,000 when I sold it on. Which was great considering I was renting.

My thoughts go out to Tom Bender. Must have been terrible growing up with a name like that.

I’ve decided to try and get into shape. I’ve filled my bath with yoghurt.

Officer: Did you know your back light is out, sir? Me: Well, no. I don’t know if you noticed … I’m inside the car. You had a bit of an advantage.

The wife bought me a stupid man bag for my birthday today and said, “It’s the fashion now.” On the plus side, it’s big enough to hold her severed head.

I saw Timmy Mallet on the beach looking really upset. I said, “What’s up mate?” He said, “Can you help me find my girlfriend?”. In hindsight, I wish I hadn’t asked what she was wearing.

I woke up with an ache in my back this morning. I think there’s a chance that I accidentally slept on top of the TV remote. Well, that’s the impression I got.

Head and Shoulders…… For people with really hairy shoulders ………

I permanently removed the low resistance current protection from my electrical semi-aquatic fish-eating mammal. That’s an otter you can’t refuse.

An Italian Mafia Don told me that I was going to sleep with the fishes. What an idiot. If I did that, I’d die.

Empty House + Noises downstairs = Ninja Mode

I got a nasty burn on my arm today. I was taking a pie out of the oven when my dad came up behind me and put his cigarette out on my arm.

As a no arm amputee, I am proud to say I have a lot of things still going for me… I get to donate sperm again tomorrow.