Category: stupid

The police stopped me today and accused me of stealing scrabble letters from the local library. They found N,O,T,H,I,N,G, on me, but I still got arrested.

I was struggling with the crossword, so I asked my wife. “9 letters beginning with T. Athletic event comprising of three events?” She said, “Try Athlon.” Stupid cow. That’s only 6 letters and it starts with A.

In the men’s room at work, the boss placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it: “Think!” The next day, when he went to the men’s room, he looked at the sign, and right below it, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign which read, […]

What’s the quickest way to stop a baby on a swing? With a shovel.

Lamb chops. The strike attack of choice for ninja sheep.

My mate asked me, “How do you improve the taste of iced tea?” I said, “By heating it up and adding milk.”

The local newspaper wanted to do a report on me after it discovered that I had made furniture out of comedy double act memorabilia. After showing them my Abbott armchair with a Costello table and the Morcambe couch beside the Wise bookcase they asked what I had planned for the future. “Well,” I told them, […]

In dog beers I’ve only had one…

a lot of people seem to forget their other 4 fingers when waving at me

I’ll never forget the time when my dad clipped me around the ear for being naughty. I remember walking into school and all the kids were laughing at me saying, “Look at your hair.”

I’ll never forget the day my dad told me Santa wasn’t real. Why he had to tell me on my 21st beats me.

Before I travel anywhere, I always do a comprehensive vehicle safety check that takes me about fifteen minutes. Bus drivers hate me.

Just saw a sign outside Kwit Fit: “SALE – ALL TYRES SLASHED” Well, no wonder they’re on sale…

New Mr Man character created based on Maddie Miss Taken

My wife found in in bed with another woman earlier. Why it took two of them to find me, I don’t know.