Category: stupid

Son: ”Dad,why did you give me a funny name?” Dad: ”Not sure what you’re talking about Lol.”

A new stairlift was unveiled today, it can get you up the stairs so fast that when you get to the top you can still remember what you wanted to go upstairs for.

As I sat in the waiting room this morning, I noticed something rather annoying flying around my head. So I slowly rolled up a newspaper and hit it as hard as I could. Then I stamped on it, picked it up by the wing, opened the window and threw it outside. “Mr Smith?” said the […]

Scientists have discovered something that will stop a falling mountain climber instantly. It’s called the ground.

What did the Scottish cannibal have for breakfast? Weetoes.

What’s green and smells like yellow paint? Green Paint.

My son just said, “Dad, I’ve just invented a designer farm animal.” I said, “Son, I’m Prada Ewe.”

It’s a terrifying statistic. 70% of young males die behind the wheel. It isn’t all laughs being a hamster.

I want to make a donation to my local Homeless charity, but I don’t know where to send the money.

My first attempt at crowd surfing didn’t go well last night. The fin on the bottom of my board kept smashing into peoples faces.

I like to sit in a tennis umpires chair when reading a book in the library. Just so I can be the one who shouts, “Silence.”

As I stood outside the newsagents this morning a couple of kids walked past. “Excuse me boys” I said, “If I give you the money could you go into this shop and buy me a newspaper please?” “Why can’t you?” they asked. “I’m not allowed” I said, pointing to the sign on the door that […]

What do Polish gladiators use instead of a battleaxe? Warsaw.

I tweaked out a nose hair for the first time today to see if it hurt. Judging by the reaction of the guy next to me on the train it looked pretty sore.

I went into the library to get a book on ‘How to survive in the wild without toilet-roll’ but someone had ripped all the pages out.