Category: stupid

I was driving into work today, when I saw a car wrapped round a lamppost. I thought..that’s just taking rememberance too far… What’s wrong with a bunch of flowers?

Oh yeah, real mature guys! Is this like the time you made me believe David Schwimmer died?

I started laughing uncontrollably at work today. A guy asked, “What’s so funny?” I said, “Oh, Hahahah just something my wife said during breakfast this morning.” “What did she say?” He asked. To which I replied, “She said she thought that I was a bit slow.”

My Mexican lorry driver friend has got to watch what he eats. He records it on a tacograph.

BBC : Man ignores warning and shark bites off his legs. Not big or clever.

My mate’s absolutely insane. He just told me that he needed to rush home to talk to his plants as it helps them grow. I just send mine a text usually?

I’ve just phoned an ad up out of the local paper. “Wanted: Car seat for children ages 3-6” Apparently it wasn’t a swap deal.

I once went to see a dyslexic magician. I pulled a hobbit out of a rat.

I find it really hard to say some things with a straight face, such as “I think I’m having a stroke.”

The Doctor called me in to check out my digestive system, so I walked into his office with a cup of tea in my hand and told him, “You just dip it into the tea and take a bite, then repeat until they’re all gone.”

I’m not going to support cage fighting anymore. I think it’s wrong. From now on I’m only going to free range fights.

It was pouring down earlier. There was an explosion at the Feather Pillows R Us factory.

If the show’s called “24” then why are they using a 12 hour clock?

I smoke so much I’ve started to use Oust as a deodorant.

Andy Murray should think about a career in politics now. MPs are used to cashing in on second places.