Category: stupid

I was shopping in Tesco this morning when I heard an announcement: “Could the owner of a V reg blue ford focus please come to the customer service desk. So I went over and said, “What’s up?” “You’re blocking a disabled parking bay in our car park” she claimed. “That’s impossible” I said, “My car […]

Growing up my Gran inspired me to become a magician…. When she’d pull tissues from her cardigan sleeve.

If you knock someone out in the Grammy Award Ceremony, will the person see stars?

Someone left a bucket of water outside of my house yesterday. So I pushed him off his ladder.

I just had a job interview for a sales job, cold calling. I turned up wearing 3 jumpers, gloves and a wooly hat.

The wife said we need some garden furniture. I’m sitting on the fence.

As I sat there licking my guitar, I thought to myself, “I have a good taste in music.”

I was sweating down some onions tonight when a greengrocer came over and said, “No joggers near my fruit & veg!”

I don’t know what all the hype surrounding ‘T in the Park’ is. I couldn’t find anywhere to plug in my kettle.

A mate bought me an antiquarian dictionary for my birthday. I can’t find the words to thank him.

What do you call a woman who lives in a grid? Ingrid.

The wife and I sat down to watch “Arthur” last night….. Was going great until his mum rang for him to come home for his tea..

I’ve got a mate who claims he has a market stall selling clockwork toys. Don’t know if I should believe him though, he can be a bit of a wind-up merchant.

I’m great at pulling disabled birds. Although I’m told its a lot easier when you push the wheelchair

.u ss u o u ,upp