Category: stupid

I think I’m going to shave the middle of each eyebrow so that my nose looks like it’s a quote.

My father, often trying to sound clever, came out with the most absurd statements. I remember one time he said ”Son, be careful what you say as you never know whose listening.” Why is he telling my brother that?

How many Germans does it take to wring a cloth? Drei

40,000 people in England have lost their homes in the last year. How thick do you have to be to forget where you live?

My father always told me to switch off lights as I leave a room. Why do other people take it so personally?

When I was a kid, some older boys threw my trainers over a telephone wire. I wouldn’t have been too bothered, but I still had them on.

My Grandad never talks about his time fighting in WWII. He was shot by a German sniper in 1943 and died instantly.

How many stubborn people does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Stubborn people won’t change.

Yahoo News Vietnam: “9 friends die at New Year party” We all know they’re behind the times, but reporting New Year stuff in February is hardly finger-on-the-pulse journalism.

My son just messaged me “for New Years, you said you’d keep up with the times.”… I can’t win, I’ve only just bought this new pager.

I tried some bear meat for the first time last night. Didn’t enjoy it though, it was gristly….

Isn’t sweet and sour chicken just a bird with multiple personality disorder?

I took up Feng Shui. They say it isn’t a martial art. Tell that to all the blind people I’ve incapacitated by moving their furniture about.

I woke up to the sound of running water this morning. He’s the little Native American boy we’ve adopted

“Eye spy with my little eye something beginning with………N”. “No girlfriends?” “Correct. Why can’t I just have two normal size eyes”.