Category: stupid

‘JK Rowling writes first book for adults’. Nonsense. I have loads of adult books, all of them written by other authors.

I may have slightly over reacted when my friend asked me where I was when Kennedy was shot. Looking back now I realise he wasn’t accusing me of anything.

I just had to fish three drowned rabbits out of the washing machine. My wife really should check the pockets of my magician’s outfit before she puts it in.

I was disappointed to discover that DIRT magazine was about bikes

Me and my friend Dave decided to make a pact to stop drinking altogether. So far, I haven’t touched alcohol in three weeks. Dave on the other hand, misunderstood the agreement and died from dehydration after five days.

Gossiping is the new whispering. So they tell me.

I turned up at work an hour late this morning. My boss said, “Don’t tell me, the bus broke down again?” I said, “Yes, actually it did.” He said, “This is the 4th time in less than a week, I think you’re pushing it!” I said, “Well that’s just stupid, have you felt the weight […]

When we buried my Dad, Mum burst into tears, screamed to the heavens, and insisted that we each said a prayer. It completely ruined our day at the beach.

My wife said she would try anything once just to make me happy. I’m looking forward to seeing the pictures from her bungee jump into a volcano.

I just bought a book called 150 Dream Rides. Turns out it’s about cars.

I was speeding down a poorly lit dual carriageway last night. It’s a good job they have those yellow boxes which flash to show you the edge of the road.

I took part in an egg-and-spoon race and won it with ease. Those eggs and spoons had no chance against me.

My wife left me this afternoon. She phoned and said something that made me think she’s not coming back. She said “I’m not coming back”.

New Wiliksons Sword hydro razor with water activated gel molecules. Maybe, just maybe, the water you feel from the ‘water activated gel molecules’ is the very same water needed to activate them.

My German neighbour had a blast from the past today. He was digging in his garden and plunged straight into a buried Doodlebug.