Category: stupid

Don’t give that stupid fire a way out! Block all the fire exits!

I don’t know what all the fuss is about Window 7 – I just opened mine and all I got was a little chocolate mouse. Whose idea was that?

What is a part of my body that goes up when something is good and down when something is bad? …My thumb you sick perverts

I saw an old lady struggling with her shopping today, so I offered to carry it home for her. As soon as we got to the front door she said, “This is not my house.” I said, “I know, it’s mine.”

A man walks up to paddy in the bookies and says “would you like the winner of the next race ” paddy says “no thanks mate , i live in a flat “

My mate’s dog has been trained to sniff drugs. It’s brilliant, he can even roll up his own 20 note.

I was walking along at night when I suddenly fell down a dark and damp hole. So I thought to myself, “Well…”

Being such a nice day I decided to join my local squash club this evening. I’ve just necked 3 pints of Robinson’s in 20 minutes.

Okay, I know the order of the pedals is clutch – brake – accelerator, but how do I start this piano?

So Qatar won the 2022 world cup bid. I didn’t realise a world cup could be held in a laser themed shooting arena.

I declare today Question Day. Why? I hear you ask. It pleases me that you are getting into the spirit of things

My television broke this morning…but by lunchtime my friend Leroy had bought 100 more around for me to choose from. Must’ve spent all of his unemployment benefits on them..

My mother always told me “stop while you’re ahead” maybe the reason why I have never won the 100m

I’m planning on having a sea burial with no family present when I die, just so everyone knows that I’m dead.

A man was in front of a judge. The judge says to him, “You’ve been brought here for drinking.” The man says, “Okay, let’s get started.”