Category: stupid

They say 1 in 5 people are Schizophrenic. I’m still in two minds about who it could be.

Why do birds fly south in the winter. Because its better then walking.

I went to see the doctor and he said, “Your drinking and smoking is going to cause you to have a slow death.” I replied, “Good, I’m in no hurry.”

If my ceiling fan could hold my weight…… I’d never be bored again

I don’t understand the History Channel. How they could have filmed the Second World War in stunning high-definition, I will never know.

Whilst I was flying back from Berlin, sausages exploded in my luggage. It really was the wurst case scenario.

They always said I was crazy, but one day I’ll prove my cats wrong.

“Haha, I’m not really dead!” – M. Night Shyamalan at his own funeral

I love the Americans’ sense of humour. After killing bin Laden, they announce that the world is now a safer place, but that a terrorist attack is highly likely.

Lost my virginity for a Dollar today. Shouldn’t have bent over to pick it up.

I got fired from my job for phone hacking. Turns out that the call centre didn’t appreciate my axe rampage.

I took my bucket and spade and had a little dig at the beach today. “This is a terrible beach” I said.

I got a phone call from a woman last night. She said, “I’m carrying your baby”. I said, “That’s impossible, I haven’t got a baby”.

What happens if you hook up two 9V batteries to a raisin? You get an electric current.

Dog walkers are definitely a jinx. Whenever a dead body is found, there’s always one nearby.