Category: stupid

A mate of mine is suffering from severe depression and another mate said to me, ‘I hope he doesn’t do anything silly’. I thought, he has depression, he’s hardly likely to stick a carrot in each ear and pogo stick through the town shouting ‘I’m a banana’ is he?

I crept into my 4 year old sons bedroom at 5am this morning. I quietly got onto his bed and then jumped up & down on him several times singing happy birthday. He ended up with 3 broken ribs and a fractured pelvis. That’ll teach him for doing it to me on my birthday back […]

My girlfriend accuse me of living in a fantasy world. I nearly fell off my Swedish Short-Snouted Mooncalf.

‘Government announces TV licenses to be frozen for 6 years’ .. I’m not taking any chances with a fine, mine’s in the freezer already.

Can anyone else think of a use for multi-purpose compost, other than growing plants in it?

I just drank some water. Sorry, that was rather tasteless.

I was sat on the bus earlier. As usual, there was a group of teenagers playing loud music through their phones, swearing in front of children and making a general nuisance of themselves. Luckily, this was my stop and I got off. However, I dread to think what I would have ended up doing had […]

People say you shouldn’t joke about 9/11 because of all the people who died. Well, if any of the 3,000 affected want to complain they’re welcome to.

My mate died after inhaling too much helium at a party last night. It wasn’t all bad though, his last words sounded hilarious.

Have you noticed how the top and bottom biscuit in the packet are always broken? I don’t know why they bother putting them in.

I recently met a girl who told me her work involved using a pole I didn’t know women could be in the fire service.

I’m currently sitting in work and I’ve got a huge fart brewing. I can’t wait to see who has the next cup of tea.

Went to a fancy dress party as a bottle of pop, but got mugged on the way home. The ambulance arrived and asked how I was. I replied “I’m alright, just a bit shaken up”

Studies have show that when questioned, 100% of pet hamsters had seen a giant.

I’ve just been diagnosed with Alzheimers, but I always look on the bright side of life. At least I get to meet new people every day.