Category: stupid

My wife right me, because of my difficulty with directions, and leftly so

My girlfriend has asked me to stop cutting my cocaine with cheddar. She says that she’s fed up with me always using cheesy lines to try to get her into bed.

There’s nothing better than sitting on the couch in your underwear. I’m going to enjoy this until the department store security guys show up.

I saw a poster in my local newsagents that said, ‘Have you seen our missing dog? Please call with any information’. So I got straight on the phone and told the distressed woman that my favourite colour is blue.

My hairdresser dosent cut hair any longer… just shorter

I slowly took my seat in the doctors room. He said “There’s no easy way of saying this” “Just say it” I said. “I saw Susie sitting in a shoe shine shop. Where she sits she shines, and where she shines she sits.”

I sometimes like to get dry on a hand towel just so I can pretend I am a giant

I always leave the lights on so people think I’m in. It drains the car battery though.

If I could have one Superpower it would be the ability to walk through things. I often try it but I’m never successful and it’s so frustrating. It’s like I’m constantly banging my head against a brick wall.

My friend says I have trouble understanding how to end jokes.

I can’t believe this! After months of round the clock studying, my Design Technology teacher has given me a low grade on my last test. I’m so mad, I’ve decided that first thing tomorrow I’m going to buy a hammer, take it into college and cut his head off!

Doctor- im afraid were going to have to pull the plug on your son. Mother- i thought you said he was perfectly healthy? Doctor- Oh i did, but his bath is overflowing.

I think hitch-hikers are really friendly. I’ve gone past three in the last hour and they all gave me the thumbs up

17 Remain Dead In Morgue Shooting Spree

I was walking down the street the other day and a guy across the road stared and shouted, “Oi…bender.” “How dare you call my poodle that!” I replied,