Category: stupid

We are doing Secret Santa at my work. Apparently the presents have to be at least 10 pounds. I’m buying my person 5 bags of sugar.

I once spent 24 hours in a meadow. Had a field day.

I suspected my wife was cheating on me, so I took a leaf out of Rupert Murdoch’s book and tried tapping her phone. I don’t get what all of the fuss is about – I’ve been doing it for three days now and all I’ve got is a sore finger.

We have too many superheroes around here. The latest one is Superfluous.

What do you call an Irishman with beautiful hair? Tim O’Tay

If all the dinosaurs had had a wide vocabulary, maybe they would have survived like the Thesaurus.

During my pathologists exam I made a right mess of my human dissection, it was autopsy turvy

I started a new job today. The boss called me into the office and said “I’d like you to think of us as one big happy family here.” I replied “Of course I do, it’s the family business dad.”

My wife accused me of over-complicating things… I almost suffered a mechanical obstruction of the flow of air from the environment into the lungs…

David Beckham was asked. “What are your thoughts on John Terry losing the armband?”. “Well I hope he gets it back or he’ll be swimming in circles.”

My brain at night: I wonder why the Earth was placed exactly here and allowed us to provide a perfect climate to sustain human life. My brain during the day: Potato, Potato, ching chong Tomato

It’s a well known fact. If you stand on the Great Wall of China… You can actually see the moon.

As cooking a microwavable meal last night, I looked on the pack as it kindly asked me to leave to stand for 1 minute, Sadly I had to ignore it due to a lack of wheelchair user instructions.

Why did the medieval burgular rob the music shop? He was after the lute

I was so out of it last night I ended up falling in the gutter. That’s the last time I go bowling drunk