Category: stupid

I’m not the jealous type. I wish I was, though.

My granddad died of a heart attack at 78. That was the door number of the local brothel.

I had to say goodbye to my favourite cereal today. Cheerio

I just saw a poster on a tree saying: ‘This is a photograph of our dog which is missing. If found please call us’ So I phoned them up and said, “I’ve just found the photograph of your dog.”

NEWSFLASH: BT to cut 15,000 posts over the next year ……How will all the wires stay up?

I wonder if my mum is looking down at me now thinking, “Why the big hole in the ceiling?”

Christ has risen and walks among us. Who you gonna call?

“Dad, the boys at school have been calling me Girlie Boy.” “Why you letting them get to you son….is it that time of the month again?”

With one half of the country on fire and the other half flooded, isn’t there some way of folding Australia in half to cancel out both problems?

Poverty… When the Pound coins down inside the sofa are worth more than the sofa..

so… walked into the T-mobile today to find out how long’s left on my phone contract, entering the shop I noticed the man behind the desk was a bit dumb looking, but keeping an open mind I thought no James don’t judge a book by its cover and stop judging people, so I approached the […]

I fell off my chair today and hit the ground hard, immediately my wife burst out laughing and that got me going. We both had tears rolling down our faces with laughter as i lay there until eventually she stopped long enough to say “i love that you are able to laugh at yourself!”.. …that’s […]

BBC News: Yemen bomb ‘defused just in time’. What’s the big deal about that? Every bomb i’ve ever seen on TV has been defused with one second remaining.

I came home drunk last night. I went upstairs and said to my wife, “I’m hungry.” She said, “There’s some sausages that need to be eaten in the fridge.” “Okay, lovely,” I said. “I’d better put a jumper on first then.”

Whenever my wife has anything to drink she has a tendency to take all of her clothes off. Which makes going to Starbucks a little awkward.