Category: stupid

Describe myself in 4 words? Bad at counting.

“I pity the fool who drinks too much coffee.” Said Mr. Tea.

my friend died from solvent abuse the other day,he tried to glue him self to a block of flats then fell to his death.

I gave my girlfriend a gluestick instead of chapstick yesterday. She’s still not talking to me.

I’ve just seen my neighbours cat stuck at the top of a 60ft tree. It’s amazing what you can see from up here.

I walked into the hairdressers and said, “How much for a crew cut?” The bloke said, “Seven quid.” I said, “Sweet, come in lads!”

The first rule of Paradox Club is you don’t talk about Paradox Club. The second rule of Paradox Club is you do talk about Paradox Club.

“Is it safe to cross now, Daddy?” my son asked. “Well,” I replied. “So long as you’ve checked both sides, then yes.” And that is how my son drowned in the Thames.

I no longer make excuses. I just import them from China now.

I was flicking through the newspaper this morning when I suddenly thought to myself, “Wow, my fingers are really strong”.

It’s really hard getting to work in a wheelchair. From Monday I’ll be using my bike again.

The wife’s really mad with me because I’ve built a bridge in the front garden She’ll get over it

My mate believed me when I told him wisdom teeth come through once your IQ reaches 100. His haven’t came through.

I thought my girlfriend might be ‘The One’ but, after finding police, nurse and maid uniforms in her wardrobe, I realised she can’t hold a job down.

The kids shouted through, “Come quick dad, Nan’s ready to take you on at boxing” Sure enough, there she was, in the middle of the front room, the mother-in-law with her fists clenched and posed to strike. Well, I just took her out with the one punch … It was then I remembered we’d just […]