Category: stupid

I just gave my neighbour a piggyback. Although I’m not even sure why I stole it from him in the first place.

The wife been complaining of shooting pains. Suppose I’d better stop shooting her for a bit.

I can’t believe my mate managed to fall asleep hanging over the top of a dartboard. He was bent over double.

I was late walking into a very important meeting today. “Sorry, boss,” I said, quickly sitting down. I put my briefcase and a doner kebab on the table and said, “Right, carry on.” My boss looked at our important clients, then he looked at me and said, “What’s with the doner kebab, Dave?” I said, […]

I’ve challenged my friend to a Rock, Paper, Scissors contest but we can’t think of a way of deciding who goes first.

A lady stopped me in the street today and asked if I wanted to try some of their new vanilla ice cream. I had to stop, collaborate and listen.

Anyone know what time Open All Hours shuts?

Bought one of those Volkswagon Caddy’s a few weeks ago. Waste of money. The committee have banned me from taking it onto the golf course.

What’s blue and not heavy? Light Blue.

For Sale : A Blue Ford Focus 1 lady owner 1500 each or both for 2500.

Just read the Telegraph headline; ‘Airliner plot ‘most wicked ever uncovered in Britain” Do terrorist plots really warrant a WKD side?

The police were at the door, “Excuse me Sir, don’t you think it’s irresponsible to let your 4 year old daughter play with her scooter on the street?” “Why pick on me?” I replied, “There’s kids all over playing on scooters.” “Yes Sir, but their’s haven’t got a 750cc engine!”

I was telling my mate in the pub last night that my wife thinks she has a stalker. He said “Well I’ve been following her weeks and haven’t seen anyone”

You’ve got to hand it to the boys in blue for their professionalism. I saw a sign on the road today that said ‘stop police’, and judging by the amount of panda cars that were there, every one of them had.

Never put Nutella on Salmon or you will get Salmonella