Category: stupid

On a scale of Drivers Licence Photo to Facebook Profile Pic…how good looking are you?

I’m so tired. The wife woke me at 2am saying she could hear someone downstairs! Stupid Woman. Of course she could, we live on the fifth floor of a block of flats.

I was going to write a joke about how much I hate lazy people I decided, however, that it was just much too effort

I cant afford an expensive home security system… But I do have bubble wrap carpets and a shotgun…

My friend said to me, “I can’t believe you’ve lived in the same house all your life.” I replied, “I haven’t. I’m not dead yet.”

A girl once told me that she’d die for me. Or that she’d die before she kissed me, I can’t really remember now.

Just come back from watching James Cameron’s Avatar. Cant help to think; What if IKEA had found that tree first?

I’ve been reading a book recently, but every time I put it down someone keeps covering it in cornflour. The plot thickens.

I don’t see what the fuss is all about, Johnny Knoxville set himself on fire in the second season and he’s still here.

I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging or anything… but if I make it to 2013, I will have survived my 5th “end of the world” so far!

I’ve just ran into a wind turbine. Always nice to meet a fan.

My mate says he doesn’t believe in marriage. I don’t know how he can say that though. He was my best man recently so he knows it definitely exists.

It’s unbelievable how easy kids exams are getting at school nowadays! My son came home and asked me to help with his mock exam paper. I decided to help him on the first question: Question 1) Complete the following sequence: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…………. Answer) Once I caught a fish alive. That should get […]

11-11-11 The only date this century that looks like a fence.

I started dating this disabled girl, both for her personality… And the fact that she can’t run away.