Category: stupid

Right guys, theres something I’ve wanted to get off my chest for awhile now… I let the dogs out.

Teacher: If Jenny has a bag of 10 rocks, but then loses 3 stones, what is she left with? Student: A better chance of getting a boyfriend.

Do you ever see questions on a survey that make no sense at all? If so, why not?

It always seems to be people called Roger who have Walkie Talkies.

I’m going on a fortnight’s holiday tomorrow, and I was worried my house might get burgled while I’m away. So I’ve burnt all my stuff. That ought to deter them.

I was walking down the street the other day and I saw these two blind blokes squaring up to fight. I shouted “My money’s on the one with the knife.” You should have seen how fast they both ran off.

I was in an Indian restaurant last night eating my favourite dish when I thought ‘Ceramic plates hurt my teeth, I’m getting some pilau rice’.

Man goes on a bus. Not often you see mangos on a bus

I had to call an electrician to replace an old fuse box this morning. When he came to my door, I decided not to use him. He had no eyebrows.

My mates and I got carried away in a club the other night. When we refused to leave, the doormen gave us a good hiding and called us an ambulance.

I’ve got some new slippers made out of live mice. I don’t like them. They squeak when I walk.

My mate Frank had his son named after him. After Him Wilson sounds so ridiculous.

My mate said, “Why are you sticking twenty pound notes onto that helium balloon?” I said, “I need to raise some cash quickly.”

Just found out that my dog could read after leaving him in the Veterinarian’s waiting room. The sign said, “Be back in 10 minutes. Sit! Stay!”

As I was stood in the break room this morning my secratary walked up to me and asked ”Is that a banana in your pocket or are you pleased to see me?” I replied ”No, Its a banana, I’ve lost my lunch box”