Category: stupid

If I ever have an accident that paralyses me, I want to have a hard-on at the time.

I said to my girlfriend “Why do the stupidest guys get the prettiest girlfriends?” and she said “Aw, thanks.” I think I’ve missed something.

Ever since the RaF started the “You don’t have to be a pilot to fly in the RAF” Campaign, They have seen an increase in Women applications

Scotland Yard have caught an Irishman planting a bomb in London. They arrested him whilst he was watering it.

My mate Dave bet me 200 that the M25 is only 118 miles long, boy is he looking stupid now! I’ve been driving on it all day and still not reached the end.

I was at the casino playing poker the other night, and all the people round the table wanted me to get chucked out because I wasnt taking the game seriously enough. Apparently a pikachu and a charizard shiny aren’t as valuable in this game.

“About 10 people a week are hospitalized from injuries suffered while playing Wii games.” Now, I can’t help but think that seems a little exaggerated. No one plays Wii anymore.

‘This is the captain speaking. You may now switch on your mobile phones…as you’ll need to text your loved ones before we plummet into the sea.’

I was so excited when I found a fiver in my bed this morning. But this excitement turned to despair when I checked my teeth.

Three twins walk into a bar. Hang on…

Confession 274856263: I can’t count.

If a 5 sided shape is a pentagon and a 6 sided shape is a hexagon Does that make Pacmam an omnomnomagon?

The wife’s booking me an appointment with a therapist, to calm my subversive nature. If she manages to find where I’ve hidden her phone, laptop, car keys, yellow pages and shoes of course.

I hate change. Although for some reason I never used to.

They should ban semi-colons; no one knows how to use them.