Category: stupid

I like a woman with a bit of meat on her. This is also why I keep getting thrown out of the local butchers.

I thought I’d try some French dressing at lunchtime today. I don’t think a striped jumper and beret looked that good on me.

I’m sick to death of my wife turning every shopping trip into a drama. It’s bad enough having to remember what’s on the list, never mind learn some lines to a stupid play.

A great simile is like a magnificent racing horse: this isn’t one.

My wife said she’s leaving me because I don’t take any risks. I’m sorry but Mint Sauce is for Lamb, not Beef.

I almost bought a gyroscope earlier, but the bloke who was selling it wouldn’t let me take it out for a spin.

Have you ever noticed when you stare into the clear blue sky long enough,it eventually turns black?

My brother bought 9 tubes of chocolate sweets & was showing off. He didnt know I spied on him first, then went into the shop & bought 10. He’ll be fuming when he finds I’ve outsmartied him.

I’ve just bought a car that won’t go in a straight line. Drives me round the bend.

Man walks into a library and asks, “I’m looking for a book on large aquatic seabirds.” “Do you know the authors name?” asked the librarian. “Yes,” he replied, “It’s by Albert Ross.”

My mates are unreliable, they’ve all offered to come round to help me fix my broken doorbell. But they never show up.

America. The only country stupid enough to celebrate the 4th of July on the 5th.

When I left school I decided to got to catering college but I was always getting in to trouble. My parents kept eating my homework.

I can’t be bothered to organise my sons first birthday party. Any suggestions as to what I should do? He’s 14.

Poker players…. Lull your opponents into a false sense of security by shouting out “SNAP!” on the first hand.