Category: stupid

My mate has built a giant walk in kettle. He’s in his element.

“See ya. Look after yourself” seems like a nice thing to say….. ……unless it’s the last thing you say when you quit as a care worker.

I can’t see the category for blindness.

I hate watching a TV series and reaching the last aired episode, so I always wait for it to end before I buy the box set and watch the whole thing. I’m so excited for Coronation Street.

I’ve just bought a guard dog and he’s really good. Not been able to get inside my house for the past 3 days though.

When I see someone really gorgeous, I stare, I smile, and, when I get tired, I put the mirror down.

I failed my Human Anatomy exam and couldn’t get into university. Luckily, I have a good eye for music.

My wife’s stood by me since the day we were married. Then again, we do only have one chair.

My little daughter was so hot, laying there on the bed. She opened her mouth slightly, and I gently eased it in. “Move your tongue a little,” I told her. She sighed. I could see beads of sweat on her forehead. “That’s better, baby.” In moments I was done. I drew it out and looked […]

I’ve just found a stray kitten wearing a Man United collar.. Must be a Manc’s cat.

Can you say ‘Iced Ink’ 5 times fast?

My girlfriend kissed me on the Tulips and said, “I’m leaving you. It’s because of your obsession with flowers.” As I burst into tears, like a big pansy, I replied, “I don’t beleaf it… Where did this stem from, petal?”

When I saw the police arrive at the pub I thought they might be looking for me so I went to hide in the ladies toilet. Didn’t half make that girl jump when she lifted the lid.

I can’t put into words how much I love my wife. I’m illiterate.

I was walking in a field today when I saw crowd surrounding a woman that was lying down and not breathing. I ran over as quick as I could and used my basic knowledge of CPR to try and revive her. A member of the crowd told me there was nothing I could do and […]