Category: stupid

Girl serving me in the cafe had a badge saying “Tracy Waitress” What’s the odds on having the same surname as your job?

My son’s school teacher rang me today. “Your son didn’t turn up for school today?” he exclaimed. “Well, he’s being bullied,” I replied. “Really?” he gasped. “Tell him to come and see me and we’ll sort it out.” “He’s locked himself in his room,” I replied. “I shaved his eyebrows off and shat in his […]

I was driving down the road earlier, when somebody on the pavement shouted at me, “Taxi!” So I shouted back, “Pedestrian!”

I love driving past stranded motorists, I can’t help but drive past honking my horn, waving and laughing at them, then driving off with a smug look on my face knowing they’ll be there for hours. Maybe why my bosses at the AA want me in for a disciplinary meeting.

I couldn’t work out how someone could hypnotise me, but then I realised the answer was staring me in the face.

The wife made some cupcakes yesterday. Total disaster. Turned to mush as soon you put tea in them.

If my mother was alive today, she’d tell me: “Son…stop telling people that I am dead.”

I got home from work and there was a note on the kitchen table from my wife. It read: ‘Gone to see a Psychiatrist, your brussel sprouts on toast is in the washing machine.’

Im so proud of the mrs she just got 5-5-6 in her s.a.t.s

I wouldn’t touch the metric system with a 3.048m barge pole.

Whenever I hear about a whale washing up on a beach, I always wonder how big the rubber gloves must have been.

I just bought an Igloo from IKEA. 200 litres of water (freezer not included).

It was my 61st birthday today and my kids were saying I was old and useless. Whereas I think I’ve just reached my prime

SPOILER ALERT.. There’s a Ford Escort RS Turbo in front of me!

I finally understand the ending of the movie “The Sixth Sense” Those were the names of the people who worked on the movie.