Category: stupid

I got fined contempt of court 100 by a judge for talking in court with my briefs today. He’s just no idea how much I love those boxer shorts.

Teachers eh? What do they know.. I much prefer a single malt.

My son had been bullied recently, so I decided to teach him some self-defence moves. Didn’t help though. The School got quite shirty about him carrying a flick knife.

I’ve just met Will.I.Am’s arrogant Indian cousin. I.Amit

News – Kate Winslet saved Richard Branson’s grandmother from Necker Island fire Who do you think they’ll pick to play her in the movie?

I always carry a torch with me just in case I’m ever abducted and put into someone’s car boot. So I can play shadow puppets to keep myself entertained.

I was drowning my sorrows in the pub & the barman asked why I was so upset. “Just come back from a mates funeral. Great lad, knew him since nursery. He was such a special person, at primary school he was described, the boy most likely to succeed. Through high school & college, they described […]

Sat having Sunday dinner, the mother-in-law remarks, “These plates look a little bit dirty?” “I think it’s our washer playing up Irene,” I replied, “My boxers were on the top shelf at the same time and they’re still stained.”

How do you make a flamingo? Set fire to a polo mint.

I owe a lot to my parents. Especially my mother and my father.

A lion walked onto a packed escalator. You should’ve seen the uproar.

Never throw stones in a greenhouse. It will damage the paintwork.

My New Year’s resolution? Try and make up a good new year’s resolution for next year.

I went up to this gorgeous Redhead last night, “Hi there, does the collar match the cuffs?” I said with a cheeky wink “Of course it does, this blouse wasn’t cheap ya know!” Turns out she was a natural blonde…

I was at home earlier when I heard someone banging on my front door. I rushed downstairs to find my neighbour stood there looking frantic. “Your son has just got into a man’s van!” he blurted out. “What!? What happened, which way did they go?” I asked, now panicking too. “Down the hill, he offered […]