Category: stupid

All of the main UK party leaders have congratulated Libya on deposing their long-standing undemocratic dictatorial regime. They added that there would be no referendum on the EU and anyone who wants one is an uneducated racist.

My wife approached me today and said, “I’m leaving you” I replied, “Actually, you are approaching me”

Todays game of heads down thumbs up begins at the sound of my zipper.

I’ve just finished knocking my lounge into the spare bedroom to make a bigger living area. It looks huge, by far the tallest room in the house.

My boss called me into the office today and said, “It has come to my attention that you are taking performance enhancing drugs.” “Yes I have,” I replied, “does this mean I’m fired?” “No I just wanted to say keep up the good work.”

I met this beautiful woman in a club and we got dancing, she suddenly put her hand on my crotch and said, “Oh my! You are a big boy! You’re certainly hiding something down there” then gave me a cheeky smile. “Thanks,” I said, “Most girls think it’s weird that I bring my guinea pig […]

BBC News: Vietnam shoe plant fire kills 17. I didn’t know they’d made a plant that grew shoes.

Some people say I’m disorganised. I’m too busy christmas shopping to pay any attention

I was sitting in the pub with my mate when my wife text me:’If you’re not home in 10 minutes, your dinner will be in the dog’ My mate laughed and said, “What is it?” I said, “An Alsatian.”

Today I discovered I had developed the ability to walk through walls. Really, really thin walls.

Apple has released a new app that allows iPhone users to greet each other. It’s called the iFive.

“George, my sisters handwriting is very bad in this letter darling, is that an ‘o’ or an ‘i’?” “It’s the letter ‘o’ dear” “Oh my God my brother’s shot himself”

I came home from work yesterday and jumped into bed. I was out the second my head hit the pillow. That’s the problem with steel pillows.

I had an interview for a job in a restaurant. The guy said, “So, what would you bring to the table?” “Whatever they ordered.” I replied.

I was in the park today walking my dog and a woman said to me, “That’s a nice Bulldog you’ve got there.” I replied, “No he’s not a Bulldog. He’s a Greyhound who ran in to a wall chasing a cat.”