Category: stupid

With all the housework that she’s done tonight, my wife is wanting a gold medal. She’ll have to settle for a pearl necklace.

Just let out a belch in the pub and a bloke said, “How dare you burp in front of my wife!” I said, “I apologize!, I will let her go first next time.”

Did you hear about the miner who found a gold vein? he had an oregasm.

I was through to the final question on the radio. The presenter said, “Take your time, this is for 10,000, choose a category. Your choices are…. A) Greek mythology. B) Politics. C) Foreign languages. I pondered for a short time before opting for foreign languages. “Ok John, you’ve chosen C) Foreign languages. For 10,000 The […]

I’ve always loved thatched roofs but my wife doesn’t share my enthusiasm. Since I had the Vectra done, she refuses to be driven anywhere in it.

Dear Walkers Crisps, Your crisps are really tasty. When will you be making a full bag?

I hate people who batter seal cubs. They taste much better in breadcrumbs.

What goes in hard and comes out soft? Bubble gum.

Women, here is a reason that you will never be equal to men. I asked my girlfriend to record something for me on ITV2 +1. She recorded ITV3.

BBC News: Good spelling and grammar becoming a dead language Rest In Piece.

The doctor said my wife must lose some weight before going flying again. Well either that, or get a bigger cape.

Apparently, smoking cigarettes is really bad for you, so I only eat twenty a day now.

I really like Air Crash Investigation, but they need to stop repeating the pilot episode.

Working as an usher during the Gorillaz opera, I was showing people to their seats. “Where is it?” a woman asked, as she followed me. “It’s coming up, it’s coming up, it’s coming up, it’s coming up, it’s coming up, it’s coming up, it’s coming up, it’s there!”

I’d been stuck in the rush hour traffic for over an hour crawling very slowly. To be honest I suppose I should have taken the car.