Category: stupid

The new employee stood before the paper shredder looking confused. “Need some help?” a secretary, walking by, asked. “Yes,” he replied, “how does this thing work?” “Simple,” she said, taking the fat report from his hand and feeding it into the shredder. “Thanks, but where do the copies come out?”

My mate turns to me and says, ”If you stopped all the clocks in the world, would time stop as well?” ”Could you be more ridiculous?” I said sarcastically. So he took his trousers off and asked me again.

I saw a beautiful golden eagle sitting in a nest today when I thought ‘he looks angry, I should probably get out.’

I got arrested for smashing the town clock with a hammer. “It was self defence.” I said to the policeman, “The clock struck first.”

I’ve just been out and bought this years latest summer accesories… Wellies and a rainmac

“Gud luk 2 evry1 gettin ther resultz 2moro” Thank you – I can tell you your English result already if you want.

It’s National Kill A Stranger Day ! I’m unsure whether to go out and kill a stranger , or stay in and hide under the bed.

So Rupert, Yogi and Winnie the Pooh walk into a bar… …bare jokes.

What do you call a Reliant Robin with a beach ball in it? A whistle.

I just checked my balance on my mobile phone. Don’t do it, mine broke straight away.

As I sat there in the hospital waiting area, I noticed a sign that said, ‘CCTV In Operation’ I thought to myself, “I hope it’s Ok.”

I was eating some peanuts earlier. That Sally Brown and Lucy van Pelt love having their fannies licked out.

Why did David Haye cross the road? Because he was a chicken.

I’m in court next week due to a social worker rendering me un-fit to be a parent. Apparently I’m the reason my boy is out of control. How can it be my fault? I’m hardly ever there!

People have kept pointing out that I should wear my Poppy with pride this week, so I’ve got round to it eventually … I know it’s a bit of a girlie name for a dog and she didn’t half wince when I stuck in the safety pin.