Category: stupid

I was walking through that park when a lady asked me for the time. I stopped and had a look up at the sun, then said, “Quarter past two.” “Wow, how can you tell?” she asked, amazed. “I checked my watch about twenty seconds ago.” I replied.

I heard that 1 in every 5 mates is into paedofillia I think it’s probably Dave, he has the fittest kids

When my workmate never showed, the boss asked “Can you do the work of two men?”…. “Of course I can,” I said “but it will take me twice as long.”

I was reading my horoscope today and I was surprised how accurate it was, It read ‘Today you will read your horoscope’

Why did the chicken cross the road? It was weird.

Apparently St George’s Day is also the anniversery of both Shakespeare’s birth and death. It’s pretty incredible that he wrote so much in less than a day.

Last week was procrastination week. I was going to post about it but I never got to.

‘I’m not interested but thank you for calling.’ So erm, I’ve just lost my job working for ChildLine.

I think my pig is a drug addict… It keeps snorting.

I saw our new starter in work earlier. “Hi Vicky.. How are getting along?” I asked. “Ok thank you.. But please don’t call me Vicky.” “Sorry,” I said, “Didn’t mean to cause offence. What do you prefer to be called?” “Oh.. You know. I’m not really bothered… Vic or Victor,” he said.

I was sitting in the park watching some kids play football, when there was a big shout for a freekick. “Did you see the large amount of dip on that ball?” I said to this bloke walking past. But he just gave me a filthy look. It was like he’d never seen anybody naked, eating […]

I don’t understand the need for ‘hot water heaters’… Surely if the water is already hot, it doesn’t need to be heated.

I’m currently on a British Airways flight and I’m appalled at the lack of health and safety… An oxygen mask has just hit me on the head.

My mate looked disappointed when I showed him my collection of up-skirt photographs. He’s obviously not into hovercrafts like I am.

I saw this man walking round all day with a drill. I think he’s got a screw loose.