Category: stupid

I’ve just tucked my shirt in. I don’t know why I put it to bed so early.

I don’t know what all the fuss is about, when people say they would love to swim with dolphins. I swam with them last week, and I’ll never do it again. I was stuck in a trawlers net for 6 hours.

Man goes to see the doctor. The doctor says “you’ll live to be seventy” The patient said “I am seventy ” The doctor said “what did I tell you!”

My mum and dad are thinking of renewing their vowels so I thought seeing how they don’t know them already…. I got them to lend me a grand and gave them an I O U

The doorbell rang whilst I was in bed this morning, so I got up and answered the door in my pajamas. I’ve always thought it’s a silly place to have a door.

Never get obsessed with awards, is what i said this morning to my children, emmy, brit and oscar.

My mate said he was going to a costa in spain for his summer holiday, bit of a long way to go for a coffee isn’t it?

I just read in the news “Chelsea sack Villas Boas” What on earth were they doing with the Barcelona striker’s snakes in the first place??

I’ve just had to explain to my girlfriend and her closest mate, my calling them ‘thick as thieves’ doesn’t mean that they’re stupid. Instantly proving me wrong.

I got into a heated argument with this guy at the pub last night and we decided to take things outside. We started with the tables and chairs.

Poured broth all over my car yesterday. Souped it up.

I went and lay a bunch of flowers at my dad’s resting place today. “Why did you put flowers on my mattress, you freak?” he said.

Despite all his heinous crimes over the years, Osama Bin Laden only has one regret. Filling out his Census form.

Why does the doorbell always ring as soon as you step out of the shower?

My Sat Nav just told me to turn left. Thats not right.