Category: stupid

Carlsberg don’t do Sickipedia jokes… No, honestly, I wrote to them and asked.

What do you call an informative Geordie? FYI man.

I was recently caught smuggling illegal brandy through customs at the airport. Security found the 30000 Christmas pudding’s I tried to conceal it on top of.

My son said he wanted some drum sticks for Christmas. Fair enough, KFC’s quite cheap.

I got thrown out of a football game for doing monkey chants. I guess constantly shouting, “I love monkeys! I love monkeys!” would get pretty annoying.

‘Jamie Jones upsets Shaun Murphy at the World Snooker Championship’ He called his mum an elephant.

I made a Freudian slip earlier. I threw a banana skin in front of my mate, Dave Freudian.

My mate told me that I just don’t understand irony. Which was ironic because we were at a bus stop at the time.

Like Pinocchio my son isn’t real, in fact he is made of Lego. He will be in pieces when I tell him.

Facebook – for hideous, fat, ugly women to deceive lads into thinking they look human.

There was an out of date pint in the fridge at work and I told them I would take it home for my cornflakes, but replace it with some fresh the next day. You can’t believe the fuss they made about it at the blood bank.

I sold loads of fake t-shirts on the market today. No one noticed they were vests.

I was beaten and abused by my father as a child. He always did take our garden football matches quite seriously.

It’ll take me literally a million years before I gain a sound understanding of English vocabulary.

I said, “Looks like rain out”. My wife said, “What makes you say that?” I said, “It’s raining”.