Category: stupid

“Why don’t you take that apple to work?” asked my wife. “I didn’t even know it had a job” I replied.

My whole world appeared to have been turned upside down. So I hung the mirror the right way up.

My wife just called me spineless. Speaking as a hedgehog undergoing chemotherapy, that hurt.

Last night I thought my feet were hanging out the end of the bed, So I got out to have a look.

“Do you accept cards as payment?” I asked the lad in the takeaway. “Of course, Sir”, he replied, smiling. “Great”, I replied, “this one is an old birthday card.”

12.5cm of people hate inaccurate statistics

My old material never works with the ladies anymore, I’ll have to try something new. I was thinking cotton.

Those who can’t laugh at themselves, leave the job to others.

We really should stop calling it the Eurozone. Otherwise they’ll start calling us Poundland!

My wife often says that she wants to change me. But i don’t let her. Im a big boy now and know how to use my special big boy pants.

I find it really easy to fall asleep. But I tend to wake up real quickly when I land.

I was watching the game with my mate and was shouting, “Shoot! Shoot!… Why didn’t he shoot?” I shook my head, “You’re just pretending that you like cricket aren’t you?”

I can’t believe how stupid people were in the Middle Ages, believing in witches and magic. Now excuse me, I have to forward this email, otherwise a dead baby will kill me.

What would Data’s evil twin be called? Corrupted Data.

“- Extra! Extra! Twenty eight people deceived in one city. Stunning!” I was eager to know what it was, so I bought a newspaper. The newspaper was plain blank as the newsboy immediately started to sprint while shouting: “-Extra! Twenty nine people deceived in one city. Sensational!”