Category: stupid

I don’t know what all the fuss is about with travel support for getting to university. I’ll just use my unicycle.

Well she was a stupid woman interviewer anyway asking, ‘Describe yourself in just one word’ .. I said, ‘John’

People round my area call me the village idiot. The jokes on them though, I live in a town.

My housemates always complain about the amount of washing up there is to do. I don’t know what they’re on about. I just leave mine in the sink, and when I come down in the morning it’s done

I was interviewed for a job today in front of 5 directors. “Why should we take you on and not somebody else?” they asked. I said, “Well first of all, I’ll punch you all…..” “Stop” one of them shouted. “I think you was meant to say ‘I’m punctual’” “Nope” I said. “Can I finish please?”

What do you call a blind man? Anything you want, he can’t se- oh wait.

A mate just asked me to give him a lift. So I told him he was very attractive.

I went out to a bar last night to try and pull women. I was unsuccessful (as usual) but one woman made a remark which I found particularly hurtful. Tossing and turning in bed later that night I replayed the event over and over again in my mind. Five hours later I had come up […]

I just caught my blonde girlfriend, sat on a book, open legged with no panties on: “What are you doing love?” I asked. “Lip reading.”

This morning my wife said she’s leaving me for my younger brother. What makes her think he wants to take care of me?

Hi, I’m Barry Scott and I think my hearing aid might be broken.

I walked into the shop and the girl behind the counter said, “Sorry, no dogs.” “That’s OK, I brought my own. It’s actually cigarettes I’m looking for?”

A policeman stopped me as I was running down the street last night and said, “Where are you off to?” “I’m off to catch my train,” I replied. “I’m late.” He said, “A man fitting your description has just been involved in a robbery. Do you mind if I search you?” “Come on, mate,” I […]

I walked up to a girl in the club last night and said “Hey, babe you’re like a garden shovel” “Why?” she giggled, “Because you dig me?” “No, because I’ll probably keep you in my shed”

I went to walk out of a building today when some guy shouted, “Mind the steps mate!” “No,” I yelled back, “They’re actually quite helpful.”