Category: stupid

My mate looked up from his quiz and asked, “What type of animal is a Gloucester Old Spot?” “Don’t ask me mate,” I replied, “I’m pig ignorant.”

I don’t take orders from anyone. Which is most probably why my restaurant went bust.

I got inked today and it really hurt me. That’s the last time I mess with an angry octopus.

I was in town the other day, when this little green man appeared. All of a sudden, he started flashing and then disappeared. Naturally, I ran after him. Then I got hit by a car.

I went on a bender last night …… Really need to stop sleeping with these futuristic robots!!

I thought I recognised a girl in the pub last night that I hadn’t seen in years, so I went over and said, “You look like Helen Greene.” She said, “I look just as bad in yellow.”

I was watching a martial arts programme last night. There was a part where the master was showing his students how powerful he was by extinguishing 3 candles with a punch. I thought to myself ‘I can do that just by blowing on them!’

Does any one else think the queens head looks like a coin?

Saw a sign at the doctors. TIME WASTED THIS WEEK DUE TO UNATTENDED APPOINTMENTS: 12 HOURS Fair play to them! If a customer doesn’t show up, why not get drunk?

Me and my business partner come up with some brilliant ideas. Like rubber sumo costumes for example. We just bounce off each other.

If its “needless to say”, why say it?

I joined a troupe of male strippers, but my mum warned me “If you work in THAT business, you’ll see things you wish you’d never seen!” She was right – the first time we performed, I saw her in the front row of the audience.

I opened a new shop selling sponge cakes but sadly the business wasn’t doing well. Customers said they could still taste some soap.

After winning my latest match, I decided to throw the ball into the crowd, like they do on the television. Apparently it’s unacceptable in ten pin bowling.

As I finished my conversation, I hung up and walked into the kitchen. My wife said, “Who was just on the phone?” I said, “Me.”