Category: stupid

My mate asked me, “What’s your favourite nursery rhyme?” I said, “Bursary.”

I see two boys were aquitted for trying to re create the Columbine masacre. One of the boys parents said ” We knew our boy was innocent but can not believe how far his imagination ran wild and how sucked in he was but such a terrible event”. “I am just glad to have him […]

I can walk on water. It may be a puddle, but it’s 100% water.

I hate it when people tell me that the cigarette I’m smoking will take 5 minutes off my life. Seriously, what can you do in 5 minutes anyway? Especially at that age.

What do you call a blonde after she has dyed her hair brunette? Artificial Intelligence.

My wife is complaining that I can’t be trusted with money. If she doesn’t want a slice of my timeshare on the sun she’s going the right way about it.

You know the expression, “a watched pot never boils”, well it’s completely true. I sat for hours watching a pot and nothing happened. Then the wife came in and turned the hob on and I lost interest.

Mime artist jailed for battering another mime artist in London. The victim tried to run away but got caught in an imaginary oncoming wind.

I’m thinking of writing a letter addressed to myself that wont get delivered for 10 years. In it, I’ll explain how my life is shaping up and how I hope things will go. Writing ‘URGENT’ on the envelope and sending it via Royal Mail should do the trick.

My wife just wasted a load of money on an expensive air conditioner in preparation for all the hot weather. Bless her pretty little head, she’s going to feel so stupid when I just turn the Thermostat down to a nice cool 15.

I’ve recently been teaching my girlfriend how to drive, but all we do is argue. Because i cant drive either.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” “You didn’t warn me.” “I know, I just don’t want you saying it.”

yazoo news: Alison Moyet is still fat.

It’s sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his violence, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels.

I’ve been struggling with diarrhoea for the last three days, but I think I’ve finally figured out how to spell it.