Category: stupid

My friend recently lost his Job. He resorted to becoming one of those street performing statues, just to make a bit of money. His career has really come to a stand still.

My friend thinks he has the power to kill people with his watch… What a Seiko!

All my life I’ve only had one dream: To achieve my many goals.

My mum always told me, “Never do something that you’ll regret later in life.” I always thought that it was great advice. So I got it tattooed on my forehead.

My mate once bought a book called, ‘Spontaneous Human Combustion Explained.’ The very second he’d finished reading it he burst into flames. At that moment he realised just how dangerous knowledge can be.

After My laser eye surgery, the doctor told me i’ll be able to see in 20/20. Just another 7 and a half years of these eye patches then.

‘What doesn’t kill you, only makes you stronger’ Using that logic I should be the worlds strongest man on account of every single thing in the world not killing me.

My car broke down the other day so I asked a couple of big guys if they would give us a push. As I got back up off the floor I decided to call the AA instead.

`Every girl I meet asks me the same question.’ `What question ?’

I was in line at the Barber’s today waiting to have a #2 when I thought, “Hang on, maybe I should be in the toilet.”

Walked into the toilets at the pub last night and they were out of order. There were racist jokes written all over the walls.

What is a beaucoup? Because my French friend always tells me that it means a lot to him.

Turbans… For those times when you’re out and about and might need a tea towel.

My room was like a sauna last night… Full of naked men.

I love comfort food. Especially gigantic ravioli.