Category: stupid

I dig, you dig, we dig, he digs, she digs, they dig. It’s not a beautiful poem, but it’s very deep.

Was drinking with a mate when I said “I’m really in the mood for a game of poker”. “Snap”, he replied. “No, poker”, I said.

I sat on the highest peak on Dartmoor today and smoked a big spliff. I’ve always wanted to join the mile high club.

Head, shoulders, knees and toes. Knees and toes. For people with extreme dandruff problems.

I sprayed myself with Sure Invisible deodorant. It doesn’t work. People can still see me.

I was really enjoying my busman’s holiday in Edinburgh today, beautiful scenery and a lovely day. Well at least I was … Until those 3 old dears screamed to go back to my bus route in Grimsby.

I went to an audition for a cameo part in a film when the director said, “I like you but can you cut your hair?” I replied, “Yes I can, but it’s usually better if someone else does it.”

My dad used to be a big fan of the prime minister. Then they replaced him with an air conditioner.

What do call an Irish Bullfighter? Matt O’Door

Every day this week, my boss has been making me stand on one leg in the corner of the office and I’m getting sick of it. I’ll have to put my foot down.

I got sacked from the dementia ward where I worked. Mavis and Edna forgot about the first two rules of Fight Club.

My mate has been really depressed lately because he’s gone bald. I said to him, “Look on the bright side mate, you’ll save an absolute fortune on not having a girlfriend ever again.”

Went to my doctors today with a health problem. Can’t believe he actually knew the unlimited power bar cheat for Street Fighter 5.

Last year, my mates sponsored me to run the London Marathon backwards. It took me over eight hours to fight my way through the oncoming crowd, but eventually I made it to the starting line.

My maths teacher once asked, “See how many times you can take 7 away from 700?” I must have done it nearly a hundred times… and still got 693 as the answer.