Category: stupid

I’m going to Aldi this weekend……. To film a low budget version of The Day Of The Dead.

Harry Potter is so unrealistic. If you had a “luck potion” you wouldn’t give it to your best mate to do well at quidditch…. You’d be going through Hermione Granger’s underwear draw looking for a vibrator

I always check my local Pound Shop, but they never have any TVs.

My wife was disgusted this morning because I left a huge log unflushed in the toilet. “It took ages to dry out before she could put it back on the fire.”

The police were at my door, “Mr Smith, we want to interview you about raping a girl on a seaside bouncy castle. What do you have to say?” “What a fun but unusual way to be interviewed.”

I have the brainpower of two men, unfortunately those two men in question are Laurel and Hardy.

My wife suggested that we knock our bedroom wall down into the bedroom next door and use the whole thing as a master bedroom. She is currently away visiting her mum so without her knowing I’ve spent the last 5 days knocking the wall down and decorating it to her taste. Our new bedroom looks […]

I booked a taxi today. They know the rules you cant show your studs.

The wife just said, “My shoes came.” I said, “I’m sorry babe, I didn’t know they were your socks.”

What are the chances? Two poos’ in a row where I haven’t had to wipe! Still, probably should have checked though…

People say I smoke too much. So I decided to do something about it, and now I have cut the risk of me getting cancer in half. I’v removed one of my lungs.

I’m an illiterate idiot, who thinks he’s black and I’m everything that’s wrong with our culture. I can’t talk properly, have nothing of value to say and only the most stupid people would find me appealing. Hear my new song on Radio One today.

I threw an over sized pack of playing cards at my friend today. I nearly decked him.

Don’t you just hate people who ask stupid questions.?

Gloucestershire Royal Hospital has an almost 100% safety record – one of the highest in the country. They would have had a 100% safety record except for that one incident when Richard Ashcroft was given an accidental overdose.