Category: stupid

Song snippets re-written in Olde English: Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star: Scintillate, Scintillate, globule vivific, Fain would I fathom thy nature specific, Loftily poised in the ether capacious, Strongly resembling a gem carbonacious. Scinitillate, Scintillate, globule vivific, Fain would I fathom thy nature specific. Milkshake: My frozen dairy bevarage bringeth all the gentlefolk to the yard, […]

Evian – ‘Still Mineral Water’. I think it will always be mineral water.

Just to let you know, if anyone knocks on your door collecting money for Dr Barnado’s it’s a scam. He died in 1905.

Have you ever been caught sniffing your mums knickers ? You must be good at it then !

I went on a blind date last night. As we were chatting away to eachother in the restaurant I asked, “Do you have any children?” She said, “Yes I have three.” I said, “Hmmm, right….Ok.” “Oh, do you not like children?” she asked. I said, “I love children, I’m just not a big fan of […]

I do strange things when I’m drunk Like my wife

I like to go quietly about my business when I’m in the town centre alone. It’s the only way I can make money as a mime artist.

I keep trying to convince my friend to use Google’s Instant Search, but he is not moved by my arguments. Jokes on him though. He is wasting on average 0.3 seconds of his life every time he searches for something.

I’ve been homeless for a while now, so I’ve lost track of what is what, and what is going on in the modern world. This man came up to me today and gave me a slice of his pizza. I thought this was very generous, so I looked at him with tears in my eyes […]

Two years I’d spent working on that escape tunnel and it was discovered just days from completion. “If you were that unhappy, why didn’t you just hand in your notice?” my boss asked.

My mate told me he had the worlds largest lego collection. I told him to stop making things up.

Yahoo:”Mayonnaise spill causes motorway pile-up.” It’s a pity it wasn’t Marmite.Some would’ve loved that.

I’ve always enjoyed the pull-out sections you get in magazines and I particularly enjoyed my new Roundabout magazine where there was a pull-out unexpectedly section.

Why was King Arthur sore? Because he Camelot.

I was in a casino last night and had a few spins on the roulette wheel. The manager told me to get off.