Category: stupid

What do we want? Northern Irish accents. When do we want them? Noiy.

What’s yellow and swings through the jungle? Tarzipan

I just fell through the back of the wardrobe into a strange land covered in yellow snow. I thought to myself, “This must be Banarnia.”

I just got a letter through the post. Another 25 days and I’ll have the whole alphabet.

Spent my whole shift in the cold room at work today… Just chillin’

The subject at last nights debating society meeting was, ‘Is time travel possible?’ When I arrived there was a sign on the door which read: ‘Gone out. Back 10 minutes ago.’

My wife is always complaining about me missing the toilet. She’ll say stuff like, “Think about the rest of us!” and “Why have you got a picture of it in your wallet?”

Working in the mine has always made me feel light headed. Turns out it was the flashlight on my hard hat that caused it.

A seagull stole my sandwich today. With a group of girls watching, I didn’t want to look stupid, so I quickly chased after it. “Big mistake,” I thought, as I dived off the pier flapping my arms.

I went to the hospital with a bad leg after a nasty fall. The nurse said, “I’ve just done an X-ray and the results look terrible, I’m afraid it’s broken.” “Oh right” I said, “Have you tried turning the machine off and then back on again?”

I started a new labouring job today, and was expecting the old can you fetch us a long weight etc. But it was a lot more dramatic, after some screams the boss came running out asking me to call an air ambulance. I thought they’d do better than that.

I’ve spent most of the day trapped between two slices of bread. That’s the last time I tell a feminist to make me a sandwich.

I like to stick raffle tickets to everything I own. That way when people pop round they’ll think I’m really lucky.

Base 7 Mathematics. I’m going to put that into Room 203.

I overheard my secretary on the phone saying she’s being stalked. I think she’s imagining it. I follow her home every night and I’ve never seen anyone.