Category: stupid

Some racist jerk called me a Philistine today. He’s incredibly ignorant, everyone knows its called Israel now.

What soup weighs 2,000 pounds? Wonton Soup

I was really bored today so I thought I’d rearrange my bedroom. Got ‘moody berm’And ‘mr boomedy’ so far.

BBC News: Anorexia ‘link to spring birth’. Hard to believe that not eating can so change a woman’s insides that she gives birth to a Slinky.

I told my wife the bad news that my credit card got cloned, She said, “that’s great, but why do you need 2?”

My girlfriend accused me of being shallow… Who cares I got a 6 pack.

I’ve opened a chicken shop recently. Bad idea. Turns out chickens don’t buy stuff at all.

My mate was telling me that I don’t get when to use quotes, What “would he” know anyway?

Did you know that if you get everyone who works at McDonalds to hold hands, you have to get your own burgers?

I don’t drink acid. It goes right through me

My wife told me my inventions are useless. Wait till she sees my solar-powered flash light.

Yahoo: ‘Woman dies trying to defrost car’ Jeez..how big is her microwave?

I’m currently sorting out my best mates stag do. I said to him, “I’m going to arrange for us to go to Spain 1 week before your wedding.” He said, “That’s too close, you should do it a bit further away.” “You’re right” I said, “Greece it is then.”

I think my wife is going mad. She said to our 2 year old son, “Watch daddy, he will show you how to eat all of your dinner.” After showing him, she looked at me and said, “I can’t believe you’ve just eaten all of his dinner.”

I saw an old man walking with a bag of shopping and a cane stick earlier. “Would you like me to take that for you?” I asked. “If that’s okay,” he replied, “I’m only going to the bus stop, but you don’t have to.” “I want to,” I said with a smile. “Well thank you […]