Category: stupid

Could you all give me a set of 6 numbers so I can calculate the average for this little project I’ve got going. Much appreciated.

I was being interviewed for a job as a pilot when the interviewer asked, “What kind of vision do you have?” “Tele”, I replied.

How am I meant to try a bit of snake charming if they won’t even let me in the restaurant with it?

I don’t know why babysitters always complain that their job is so hard. I’m sitting on a baby right now and it’s easy.

I ordered a pizza the other day. They told me that if they didn’t deliver it within half an hour, it’s free! So I hung up without giving them my address.

My wife who turns 40 next week just had a check up for breast cancer, however she was too scared to find the results out for herself so she asked me to read them and tell her myself. The results were positive but because I’m such a caring and considerate husband I told her they […]

I started my new 9am-5pm job last week. My boss said to me, “I don’t mind too much if people are late, but if you don’t come in at all I will take 50 out of your wages”. All week I walked in at 16:55pm and said, “Sorry I’m late”.

“Dad, can I go to a 50 cent concert”. “Here’s $1, take your sister as well”.

I was in a restaurant last night when I found a German bloke in my starter. I shouted, “Waiter, there’s a Herr in my soup.”

Go over to YouTube and search for ‘Eskimo Feet’. There’s loads of cool footage.

I just got pulled over by the police last night. “Do you realise you were doing over 100mph?” “Yes, but I was only keeping up with traffic” “Its 3am there isn’t any….” “Exactly!”

The CEO of the company I work for called me into his office this morning and told me that I have to stop delegating all the time. I sat there nodding in agreement and swore that I’d never do it again but to be perfectly honest, I didn’t really understand what he was talking about. […]

There are two blonde terrorists sitting in a car. “There is a bomb in the glove compartment”- says one blonde. “What If it goes off?”- says the other “Don’t worry”- says the first “There’s another one on the back”

I lent my hunchbacked mate money because he has a cash flow problem. He said he’ll repay me when he’s got himself straight.

It must be so hard to be a navy pilot. How do they make the boats fly?