Category: stupid

I don’t like lion bars. They’re very dangerous places to socialize in.

“Am I the only one that empties the bin in this house?!” I shouted. “Yes,” sighed my wife as she looked at the rubbish, “the rest of us empty it into the wheelie bin outside”.

My wife usually packs for me when we are about to go on holiday, but this time round I thought I’d pack myself. It was a disaster, not only was the bag to small, but I also couldn’t zip it up from the inside.

Why did elmo go to weight watchers? Because he liked big birds.

The wife said she wanted to do it doggy style last night, so I dressed up as a gypsy and drowned her in a pond.

I love to lick my wife’s melons first thing in the morning. Environmental Health have closed down her market stall twice, though.

Think i might have upset a fat woman who was crossing the road, treated her as a roundabout.

Must have different kinds of clock in our house. Been watching for over an hour and mine is still going forward.

Ah! So that’s what chloroform smells li…

I would give my right arm to have a right arm.

I had a really strong coffee this morning. It took me nearly ten minutes to bring the cup up to my lips.

Whenever I take a sip from my bottle of Evian it comes straight back up. It must be spring water.

‘Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it’s off to work I go’ After forgetting to book the day of, Bashful didn’t make full use of the birthday treats Snow White had provided for him…

My grandad failed to succeed in his life long ambition yesterday. He died.

Say what you like about homeless people..At least they can read and change their duvet covers every day..