Category: stupid

How do you find a needle in a haystack? Sell it and wait for a complaint.

I was sitting in the hospital waiting room today, when I saw a sign that read: ‘Help Beat Testicular Cancer By Recycling Your Mobile Phone Today!’ So I recycled mine. Fingers crossed my testicular cancer is gone by the morning.

What goes: … ker-click, click, whiff … ker-click, click, whiff … Paralympic table tennis – blind category.

I was chatting to this fit girl at work telling her about my fishing weekend. She said “Ooh sounds fun, how about I come round your place after work? You can get your rod out and show me your tackle” with a wink. I’m starting to panic, she’ll be round in 10 minutes and I […]

My new stopwatch is brilliant, it can go from 0-60 in a minute.

I’ve just invented an invisibility cloak; anything under it is rendered completely invisible. I’m still working out the kinks; you can still see the cloak itself.

I once had a job as a bus conductor. No matter how hard I tried, I could never get a tune out of them.

My wife was nervous as she took the wheel for her first driving lesson. As she was pulling out of the parking lot, the instructor said, “Turn left here, and don’t forget to let the people behind you know what you’re doing.” She turned to the students sitting in the back seat and announced, “I’m […]

As I sped home from work breaking every Red Light on the way, I thought to myself, “I really should put this Baseball Bat down and get myself a Car.”

My boss fired me for being “incompetent”. How could I be something I dont even know what it is?

I hate it when people use words they don’t really understand in their jokes. Which is prolific, because I don’t like black people or Jews.

I’m not getting involved in the street party for the royal wedding after the fiasco of our party celebrating the Queen’s golden jubilee year. After the 364th day, even I was getting fed up with all the noise and drinking.

My Psychiatric Nurse just said to me, “You’re cured!” That’s either great news or he’s noticed that I’m dressed as a giant ham.

It’s my favourite day today! Tuesday.

Studies show that for every 15 minutes you laugh, you gain one day of life. We are immortal.